Search for my Handicabable self...

Still striving for handicapable vs. handicapped...the growing of flowers became harder and harder for me to be able to do as my back got worse.  Therefore the search to find something I can do inside.

I started making the adorable stuffed dragons...We've sold 3 and gave a couple as birthday gifts...I love to sew.

 Looking at making a bunch of baby clothes and what not's as I just found out my daughter is pregnant.  I am so thrilled there are no words to express.  The tough part is they are not telling anyone till the end of September...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh....  I want to scream it out to the world.  And I can't really start making baby stuff right now as people will start to wonder...argh!

Learning to be Handicabable vs Handicapped!

Being a normally active person, this health issue has created obstacles for me.  I want to do all the things I did before, take care of my home and my family.  I miss cooking and cleaning.  I know that sounds crazy, but I do miss doing it.  I miss making my home beautiful and comfortable for my family.  I miss making wonderful meals for them.  I miss doing my own laundry.

Finding things I can do vs just sitting in a damn chair and crocheting.  While I love to crochet, I've burned myself out on it.  I still have many things I want to make, but I need something else too.  We went to the Home Depot yesterday after my doctors appointments.  And decided I want to try my hand at growing flowers.  Everyone else is working hard on getting all the vegetables ready for when the green house goes up.  (just waiting for snow to melt).  Living in the mountains we have a very short growing season.  So we have started tons of seeds in pots in the house (kitchen).  Everything from Tomatoes to Peppers to Watermelons and squashes and all stuff in between. (my favorite is the beets...lol)

We have this wonderful trellis that Greg (my partner) and I made a couple years ago. We cut tons of willow branches (had to clear some out anyway so re-purposed them) and put them on the trellis, while it looks very cool, and even some of the willows have rooted and started producing leaves last year, I really wanted it to take on a live of its own.  We we bought a large honeysuckle plant yesterday (blooms will be in pinks).

I will get more of course, but this is a start, so when the weather gets nice I will have well established plants to put in the ground by the trellis.  I am also considering seeing if I can clone from it too.  The goal is to have the entire trellis covered in honeysuckle.  It is a perennial so will come back every year.  I wanted to do moon flowers but they are annuals, so won't work for what I'm trying to do.

I did get some moon flower, morning glory and columbine seeds.  They are current soaking in water to plant this after noon.  The columbines ones established good will be planted out in our woods in the area I call Summerland.  It is a place of remembering loved ones who have passed to the other side of the veil.  Not a cemetery  but a place to remember the joy of their lives.  I have a half log I worked on a couple years ago, I will finish into a bench and I want to make a small trellis to go over it...may put honeysuckles there too.  I also want to plant some yellow rose bushes out there for my mom.  She loved yellow roses...and a lilac bush.  I'm not sure how it will go.  The area does have a opening in the forest canopy for the sun to shine down on it.

I've never been known for a green thumb, but Pat (my other partner) is there to help me so my flowers will all blossom.  This is something I can do from a chair...and I get help with the things I have a hard time doing. I'm so excited to do this.. Pictures to follow...lol

Bright blessings for a wonderful day...
Barbara

I know it has been a long time since I last posted, so much has gone on in my life I know I will never be able to catch it all up.  The biggest issues now is my health.  I have been diagnosed with severe to extreme arthritis in my lower spine and it is working its way up.  This makes it were I can only walk for very short distances and then I have to sit.  It causes severe to extreme pain.  

It is very frustrating...all the things I can no longer do.  Simple things I took for granted, like walking everywhere, cleaning my home, doing laundry, making my bed even taking a shower and washing my own hair.  

While all this is horrible and could be worse, I am very fortunate to have a wonderful family to take are of me.  I want for nothing.  I can't even imagine how I would fare if they were not here for me.  

So I sit here counting my blessings.  All the wonderful and precious things I have.  My incredible chosen family...and my wonderful daughter.  

I have been able to do a lot of crocheting and working on projects.  I will be able to concentrate on my sewing projects...all my crafting I can still do.  I am truly blessed.  

Update...

It has been a while since I posted...but a lot has gone on.  Since I last posted, we decided it was time to get rid of all the goats.  I couldn't handle to keep loosing them, and with the cost of hay rising every day, it got to the point we just couldn't afford it.  We were able to sell them all together to one family.

On May 8th, Greg had a massive heart attack.  At the time we had no clue what it was...but didn't want to take any chances to we drove him to University Hospital.  A good thing as within 15 minutes of getting there...he passed out, and basically died for about 2 minutes.  He was in the hospital for about a week...and is home, taking it one day at a time.  Now a little over 2 months later his is doing well....he just tires out more quickly.  We think he is on the road to recovery.

June...I turned 53, and couple days later, we drove to Minnesota...to pick up my son Dwight.  There is a lot here to talk about so I will do that as a separate post...It is good to have him around and spend some time getting to know each other again.

I have been going through some health issues...my back has gotten so bad, I can hardly walk.  I have always had a fear the day would come, since my back injury over 10 years ago, but I didn't want to face it.  Now the back part is ... I find myself without a job and health insurance.  While Colorado has a program to help those without insurance CICP.  It doesn't cover everything.  While it covers me going to the doctor...they tell me there are many things they could do to help me, however without insurance they can't refer me to them...things such as physical therapy.  The unfortunate thing is that while my back may be fixable, without being able to to the things to fix it...the longer it goes, are my chances of getting it fix diminishing with time?  This is where the frustration enters.  I miss walking through the woods, going out and working on projects.  I had all these plans...now I have to worry about if I can walk tomorrow.  I am NOT going to let this take over my life!!!  I will fight for the help I need.

Understanding Loss

I'm trying to wrap my head around the loss of my little baby Bear goat.  It happened so suddenly, within hours he was so listless and then he was gone.  He was born on January 29, 2012 with a twin Percy.  Percy didn't make it 24 hours.  I thought Bear was going to be okay.  He was playful and loving, and then just in a matter of hours he was gone.

I had become so close to him, and the decision was to keep him and sell the others due to finances.  It has become so difficult to feed all of them, with the price of hay skyrocketing.  So, it was decided, I could keep little Bear and the rest would go.  Then the day before they were all to be picked up by their new owner, Bear  woke up and didn't seem right.  He just wanted to lay in my arms and sleep.  His body temp started to drop, so I wrapped him into a blanket and a electric hot pad, I kept giving him fluids, but as time went on, it was harder and harder to get him to drink them.  

Then his breathing started getting more and more shallow, we tried oxygen, while it kept him going for a while longer, we finally decided that there was nothing to do and he passed over in my arms.  Tears streamed down my face for the loss of this little one.

Some people may think it strange to grieve so hard for an animal, but I was in essence his mom, since his mama goat had rejected him....for unknown reasons, she was too young, her first babies...who knows.  All I know is that all of a sudden I was thrust into the position of being a mama to 4 baby goats.

First, it was Percy within 24 hours...while I was sad the pain wasn't as great, as I grew up on a farm and understand these things happen.   But with Bear it was much harder, I had spent days and weeks taking care of him and his cousins.  And after making the decision to get rid of the other goats, then to loose him so suddenly threw me.  I felt what did I do wrong...and the sadness surrounded me.  It felt like I lost my child.

I was felt the loss of what his life would have been...playing with him through the summer, and having him follow me around the property. It was all gone.  He was taken just like that...

My husband started talking to me about how lucky that little guy was, that the quality of his life was greater than any goat out there...he had more love in his short little life than many have in a full life.

We then started discussing how so many of us think that quantity is better than quality.   It started a discussion with us.  My husband and I found each other later in life.  Past the time of having children with each other.  He tells me all the time, he wishes we could have had babies together...maybe in the next life we will.  But he wouldn't change anything about where we are in this life.  We have loved a lifetime in the short 3 years we have been together.

I am starting to realize that in the short time little baby Bear was here, he brought so much joy and love...and I am so thankful to the Lady for the quality of time I had with him.

Peace and love,
Barbara

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I truly feel this day is not just about love between partners, but any love you have for anyone...I have a life partner...but I also love my family, friends, and my animals.

Here is a great video for my baby goats...I love them very much. 

Good Afternoon Campers...I have the kitchen clean...all the rugs are in the wash, floor is swept and scrubbed....eating a little lunch...Baby goats will be hungry here soon...they are taking a little nap...played themselves to sleep.  lol